Cover Story

To be or Not to be a Malayali..

Getting down to the nitty gritty of us Malyalees, when one tries to define us, we got far too many explanations.

Published

9 years ago

November 27, 2014

FWDmedia

Getting down to the nitty gritty of us Malyalees, when one tries to define us, we got far too many explanations.

Photo: Suneesh Suresh

Phlegm-inism- For every woman who has to be outspoken, she’ll be misquoted as a feminist and suddenly the whole of Kerala has something to cough about. ( Rejini Haridas photograph)

Tailor- Made –A woman may not have an accountant but she has a personal tailor who’s forever just – equality to size especially.

Comedy Catastrophe-Cross dressed men in shows get us laughing but not the LGBTs. To make it funnier every show has to start with the word comedy to remind us it does not fall into the genre of failed humour.

Serial Killer-Thanks for shooting our minds with serials that have a pancaked mother- in- law and an out of wedlock child.

Something Fishy– We knew there are other fishes in the sea, but the sea’s current streams with gossips and all the fishes are on our plate.

That’s the Spirit! – My goodness, there were after- after- after parties when they said bars were going to close to celebrate every last drop.

Bandwagon syndrome- When it’s boiling outside, what’s up with the boys wearing hoodies and mufflers. Dripping sweat exactly gangster page. )

Newspapers and Tea ( Suneesh Photograph) Two things that should never be branded but strongly is, so are you Kannan Devan, Mathrubhumi hybrid?

Calendar Girls – It’s a new year and Manorma advertises its calenders on television and your mum makes it a point to get one instead of those fancy ones.

Gone Gulf Gone– We go through our nascent stages, then puberty and finally hit adolescence. If you’re still here in Kerala, don’t’worry you haven’t reached that phase yet.

Oiled hair – If you’re stuck in bus and you get the smell of freshly fried snacks you’re lucky, because hair strands strewing in oil is far worse.

Love fish, tapioca and chaka’s – Chena, Chambu, Koorka..when we say we are rooted to our culture –this mainly happens when we eat.

Mundu, Briefs and Paragon Chappals – You may wear your Gucci and your Prada shoes but when you hit your Tharavadu you need to wear your lungi and paragon chappals.

Beat around the Bush – We know men want only want a thick bond, when a woman’s hair is thicker than their skin.

Below the Belly – it’s illocial wear low waist jeans with a long tee but logical to wear low waist sarees with belly revealing blouses.

Cocunut- The most resourceful tree that’s been taught in classes, it’s so good that it has a dual function for both humour and the word for rubbish ( thenga kola).

Outsourced intelligence – Behind every successful Malayalee is an active passport. We hear about so many renowned malyalee but they just don’t sink their feet in their own hometown.

Chinese Takeaway – We feel bad for all the waiters who have to take orders in Chinese restaurants. Because everyone person who enters the restaurant say this with out looking at the menu, “Oru chilly chicken and friedrice. “

Jumping Queue’s – With the exception of BEVCO’s. when it comes to standing in quees we surrely get restless. This is where we have a lot sports spirit playing kabaddi on a random ground and we’re immune to the bickers.

Topper of the World – When you walk into a bookshop, the best sellers, it’s not books like Malgudi’s days but RD Sharma.mathematic guides.

Tuitions – The Children these days may have never listened to We don’t need no education. Apparently

Malgudi Days – If only school children cared about winning a baket ball game, but it’s a war when teachers announce marks. All the students only have one aim – just to get marks.

Moustache– A biologically synced lesson for all Malayalee men! We’re thinking somewhere in a hidden code in biology text books, they’ve mentioned that to prevent catching a cold, grow must grow a moustache to keep your nose warm.

Nostalgic childhood- Every movie director has an obsession for starting movie with a flashback and we know if you are reading this you can think

Communism – we’re sure when people say with so much of fervor, Give me RED, you are not thinking of communism but Eveready batteries.

Hypocrisy –Is it hypocritical to say we are not hypocrites when we are they types who say we are proud to be Malyalis and we still run to other coutnries to mint money and love life elsewhere.

What a Pair! -There’s no compromising on a lungi! Most people would shift their attire for their shoes, but when it comes to a lungi or a mundu, no shoes will stop a man’s beloved wrap.

Game for a Name? We thought the delivery was hard enough, thus the husgnad and wife love to put an equal share when it comes to a child’s name. When you see your friend Wibly, you can guess her father’s name is Wilson and mother’s name is Beena.

Celebrity Fan Clubs– Just when you think kerala is lined with too many movies posters and poltical campaign posters,w why aren’t we surprised with the celebrity fan clubs. So called fusion between the political and movie world, now we’re wating for a celebrity fan club manifesto!

Two Timing – We’re sure , we’re the biggest cheaters when it come to oppurtunities because we’ve only got two careers to look forward to medicine and engineering.

Snooze and we never looze – If they says cities never sleep, Kochi goes to bed at nine but it’s always up in the morning.

Harthal: Students should never say they took a leave because they got it all of it sorted in harthals. We’re sure bunking speculation happen linke the stock market predictions, you need a knack. The one incentive to open the newspaper.

Umbrellas for a Sunny Day – Mostly people walk around when the rain pours like cats and dogs, but on a bright sunny day we walk to save ourselves from the dreaded tan. Meanwhile in movies, lovers walk under umbrellas when the sune shines and dance when it rains.

Related Topics:communism hartals kochi lungi malayali

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