What’s the true feeling of being empowered? Mamta Mohandas takes us along a journey of introspection.

The first thought that comes upon laying eyes on Mamta Mohandas is “an independent woman.” I walked in as she was engaged in a shooting session. Dressed in a pastel mint peplum dress lined with a punch of yellow, Mamta’s anime eyes were focused on the camera. As she tilted her head towards the photographer, her coral-shaded lips were pronounced. She didn’t break into a seraphic smile, right at that moment I thought ‘this was it’. That was the cover shot – a photograph that embodied confidence. But more importantly, it was a photograph that made a silent statement, which said, “I can look back to what’s left behind.” Shuttling between countries – India, Bahrain and the US – Mamta was the perfect choice for our March cover, as this month celebrates the International Women’s Day. What can I say, it’s decadent with the bold spiritedness that’s channeled into attire, art, and certainly a new way of living. Yet I still feel it’s very riddled. An engraving on the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington DC says “Freedom is not free.” Meeting Mamta, this phrase instigated in me a question – does empowerment come with the feeling of being free in what you do, or who you are?

Many a times, we judge a celebrity by their characterization in films or how they’re depicted through the media, and when met in person suddenly they seem so illusory. During a break in the shoot, Mamta retreated to her dressing room where I finally met her. Out of the flamboyant costumes, she settled on the couch in a relaxed pair of jeans, looking athletic and lissome. Our icebreaker was her marled, multicoloured espadrilles. We joked about how it looked like the parachute on Coldplay’s new album cover. It was her comfortable go–to shoes that she wore during the shot breaks. I thought she made a bold statement pairing them with the plush gowns. Only until the shoot commenced, she slipped into her towering Louboutins.

Though the media has endlessly talked about her battle with cancer, she’s been candid with her tackle. During the interview she had a steadfast tone. She occasionally cleared her throat, her voice modulations were good but even better was her reasoning, it was sound. Undeterred by the whirlwind of emotions, she surprised me with her sense of correctness. She was profound in her outlook to life and her insights didn’t come across as superficial or worse, pseudo intellectual. In fact, Mamta took over the wheel and steered her way through to a brave new world. And when she hit the road, it was certainly a zigzagged one.

Chasing Liberty

Synonymous to her movie Two Countries, Mamta shared her diaspora perspective on social conventions. Growing up in Bahrain, she explained that she was influenced by Western pop culture from music to movies. She grew up in an environment that believed both men and women are meant to coexist in the world. Deeply rooted in the field of arts, she feels women should always pursue their inner skills and, more importantly, believe it never ‘only belongs to man’. However, she claims not being a feminist, rather she feels that a lot of women in India have been, until
now, maintaining a stoic silence. “In our country, men are proud to be men, but women are not always proud to be women.”

With prevalent gender injustice, her brazen confdence was no exeption to the treatment she received. Mamta candidly shared her experience when she arrived in India.“It’s like they had me all figured out,” Mamta remembers. As she breezed in casually with her sleeveless tops and trousers with cropped waists, her mannerisms were easily misconstrued – whether it was a smile or when she reached out to shake hands. But the truth is Mamta has an air of coolness, a quality that could easily be misread as arrogance. “I was judged for simple things like answering in English when the questions were asked in Malayalam.” Hiccups, in the larger scheme of things. Today, she is a revered actresses in both the Malayalam and Telugu film industries; with awards and accolades for not just acting, but also playback singing.

The Whole View

In a profession that has gargantuan expectations of being picture perfect, her outlook at some point became myopic. “Having worked here for 10 years, you tend to start believing that mores, religious issues and the environment influence the decisions in your everyday life. Inadvertently, you conform to things laid out there and believe that’s the only way to do it.” For an actress, looks are always placed on a pedestal. She said that her self-esteem plummeted during the chemotherapy session, especially with her hair loss. But it was not about vanity. “I like to take care and present myself well. I have always concentrated on my work-outs and have also led a very disciplined life. I was never into drinking or abusing my body. When this happened, I got severely frustrated and kept thinking I did not deserve this.”

But in this complex rut of thoughts, her hardest issue was being equivocal about her condition. She unapologetically said, “When you are a film actor, it is so hard to be upfront about your fears and insecurities because you are being judged all the time.” She felt that she lost herself somewhere in between. Battling the medical issue, she was always in the vicinity of her dears ones; everyone was in the mood to be corrective, considerate and motivational but not always understanding her state of mind. “I was faced with a few circumstances in life where I felt that I was let down by a few people on whom I was really counting on – especially to stay by me or support me in the right manner during the hardest times. “When things did not work out quite the way I wanted it. I just said, ‘You know what, I just don’t care anymore. They can take a hike.’” At that moment I butted in saying that she strapped on her shoes and she took the hike instead. She laughed out loud, in retort, “Oh yes, I ended up taking a hike all the way to Los Angeles.”

Into the Wild

With our ‘take a hike’ joke, we drew reference from Cheryl-Strayed’s widely acclaimed biography, Wild. The book was recently adapted into a movie starring Academy award winner, Reese Witherspoon – one Mamta thoroughly enjoyed. Cheryl Strayed hiked 1,100 miles of the 2,663 milelong Pacific Crest Trail. On asking her what common thread she shared with the author, Mamta said that it was a journey that taught her to unlearn. “I detached myself from everything and I found the inner strength within myself. When I moved to LA, I felt that I connected with my childhood again and I felt I was the old Mamta again. I can definitely say this is the strongest I have ever been.” Meeting new people  brought out her vivacity and elevated her energy levels. Her new home has become a safe haven. The ambiance and culture are different in L.A. “I can  greet people with a ‘What’s up’ and get a smile in response. I am a people person but I need the right people around me.”

Starting Over

Engaging in new experiences, she recently gave a shot at skiing , which she exclaimed she was horrible at but happy that she gave it a try nonetheless. Loving the sunny side of LA, she said she’ll soon look into body surfing too.

Having trained in Carnatic and  Hindustani music, Mamta has a deep connection with music. She recently sang a rendition of ‘Jar of Hearts’ by Christina Perri for one of the leading Malayalam television channels. One line that struck a chord was “I’ve learned to live half alive.” I then asked her if there’s one fully lived moment during her journey. She looked at me with a content smile.

“ Driving, “she said complacently. She embarked on a road trip inspired by the book The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin – a book that was recommended to her by director Anjali Menon. When I asked what was the reason to go on a solo journey, she answered, “I am not sure if it’s a reason but I wanted to embark on a journey that had a lot of freedom and at the same time something that would truly allow me to find the ultimate strength within me.”

In one of her road trips that was seven hours long from California to Phoenix, she felt liberated and completely alive driving through the many hues and moods of America’s colorful landscapes. Especially, the red skies set in Phoenix that’s structured with auburn mountains. While she was driving, she loved listening to the mellow compositions by the Italian pianist Ludovico. “The music brings tears to my eyes for it correlates so beautifully with nature of life and one’s mind.”

Amidst the setting sun, the chameleon skies, she shared the one moment that she felt was infinite, “It was my last trip from California to Phoenix. I found this mountain that was strikingly white. It had a few green shrubs, some brown rocks and light brown sand. In the distance, I could see more snowcapped mountains and the sun rays fell on them in an angular way. The music was haunting; there was no one else on the road. For 10 years of my life, much of my energy was constantly getting drained; I used to always feel  unwell. Staring up into the mountains, at that moment and time, I realized that it was time to live life to the fullest.” In Mamta, I saw someone who took the  courageous step of detaching herself and finally hushing the paradox, freedom is not free. That feeling when you ride till where the road meets the sun.

That’s a different type empowerment. An empowerment where you dive in with blazing glory to meet your deeprooted fears and insecurities. Did she entrench herself in fears? No, she surfaced.
Vindicated. And there a new chapter begins.

Words By Atheena Wilson
Model: Mamta Mohandas
Photographs by Toonus
Design & Styling: Ela by Jisha
Associate Stylist: Lakshmi Babu
Makeup: Renju Renjimar
Hair Styling: Sudhi
Image Manipulation: Jemini Ghosh
Location: Beaumonde The Fern, Kochi
Production: FWD Media